The one joke short always has the potential to be hit and miss and this definitely feels like a miss. Even though perhaps you're trying to be edgy or different by spelling out the entire contents of the short in the title, it basically ruins every element of surprise because 1. they're probably going to sing something sexist/awkward to the girl (OLOL) and 2. at the end, something CRAZILY unexpected will happen to them that's really dark and edgy!
And basically because the situation isn't anything particularly original and the outcome is so on par (repetitive) with everything else you make, this flash at no point becomes enjoyable.
I can say I enjoy your longer shorts more because there's more opportunity for you to 'build something up' as opposed to just throw in a (not very good) gag, plonk it out to the fanbase on Newgrounds and get heapsha visitors to your website!
I actually challenge you guys to make a short labelled 'man hits himself with stick and then passes out' which goes for six seconds, and exactly that happens, because a) anything you submit will get the unconditional appreciation of your fanbase, b) it will suck out another three awards for the week and c) you'll get heaps more visitors to your site! $$$!
Go back to making some decent-length scripts because I'm pretty sure you can make half of these shorts into comics anyway and animating a one-liner doesn't really enhance the joke.
Just make some longer, less superficial toons. Heck I actually enjoyed the book ad, which was obviously advertising to me but these ones just seem like cop outs.
You guys could very quickly turn into the new illwillpress and that is not a nice title to have. But then again you could just whip these out every day and cater to the fanbase to get lots of 5's for 'man hits himself with stick and passes out' and then moar hits to yoar website!1!1!1
Show this to everyone
Brian, I think you're the first person to ever make a public-service-announcement of this length and keep it interesting, entertaining and actually strike a very deep message to all of us.
I think the most profound line from this piece I found was that we are the first generation to have to find a balance between technology helping and ruining our lives.
I have a couple more PSA's as everyone seems to be writing words of advice on this wall:
1. Don't just stop gaming if you've been playing 6 hours a day (because you won't), but realise like smokes, alcohol or drugs gaming can be an addiction. Live life addiction-free and live towards your aspirations.
2. Live life like you won't regret it 10, 20, 30 years down the track. Say 'yes' to the stupid sounding thing you've always wanted to do, whether that means you'll get ridiculed now. Don't let anybody get in the way of what you want to do in life.
3. Try and make many, good real life friends. You won't regret it.
4. Brush your teeth everyday and floss weekly.
Okay this is starting to get a bit irrelevant but don't get addicted, chumps.
Good animation and good storytelling is gripping and captivating. This flash contained some of these elements. It certainly never got boring. The eery soundtrack, the creepy audio added to the visuals of the animation, if not stole the show.
However, the straight line drawing style of the flash never quite complements the chaotic nature of the flash. You could say it's a juxtaposition but it never really evokes an emotion with such plain visuals.
Bits of the animation look dopey like the flight of the flying thingies. Try easing your tweens in and out and experiment a bit. Try lip-syncing the evil sun thing.
The screenwriting doesn't get you a Pulitzer prize and it sounds like some guy on a meth-trip. And ultimately the nonsensical/hard to grasp story doesn't really have a lasting impression and the plain-looking, one-colour visuals never really give the viewer a sense of the depth on the landscape.
But thank you for submitting something different and submitting something unique to this site.
I am now going to have a dream about bananas.
Fun Little Toon
Hi, that was a nice little short there. The graphics and animation seemed to have a lot of care put into it. I liked the drawing style, and everything blended well without the background drawing away too much from the action.
You tweened the repeated walking cycle, and sometimes it looked like the dog just glided, and sometimes it felt just a bit unnatural when the dog exited a room/through a door. Maybe we could've seen a bit of dog fear initially as he ran away as opposed to what seemed to be a straight face?
I liked the extras and you gave a good insight into the storyboarding/planning process that seems to be absent from my toons. There's a lot of heart in this, and that's what sets you apart as an animator and not just some copypasta sprite dweeb.
The plot seems slightly weird, and I think others might say the same thing as me. Although there's a clear storyline and it's just a short, the pacing of the plotseems a bit off balance.
We see the dog running for (what seems like) half the toon, but all of the action seems to take place too quickly... maybe there's not enough action. The scenes of dialogue feel a bit too brief in comparison to the length taken up by the journey of the dog. Maybe there isn't really a feeling that the themes of the cartoon have been explored enough. I'd just like to maybe explain this before a bunch of 1 line reviewers say 'but it's a bit weird'. or that's what i predict anyway.
The voice acting was quite good, but maybe it needs to be a bit more pronounced or animated or with more emotion or louder. This might be because the music and voice are at a similar register, and of course, the dialogue should be easily heard and understood.
Overall, an enjoyable short. that's my long-ass rambling.
There are a lot of good things to be said about the final package and I commend you for finishing such a big project. It was very entertaining, but not flawless.
Behind any musical cartoon thing, the music is a large driving factor behind the piece. And whilst the main song is pretty catchy, I think even as a musical, there were way too many musical items. The music should come with purpose after a character is inspired by a scene of dialogue (musicals never make that much sense anyway), but what was in this flash were way too many songs.
I think there are some songs that could have just been dialogue, or there were some parts that just needed a break between songs. The elf himself comments that it's too soon between songs when he comes into the bedroom - it's true. Pacing, pacing, pacing. If you ever write another musical or do continue this project please give the listener's ears a bit of a break between songs: it just really seemed like there were way too many songs than needed. A musical does not mean an entire story filled with music.
The singing certainly improved from the first one but it's still out of tune quite often. I do commend you for having the bravery to post your own voice up because it takes some balls, but because you've got so many musical items one after another, you just have to nail it. There is a youthful innocence in the slightly out singing, but having to endure this for so long makes it more cringeworthy than cute. And I'd imagine this is probably the biggest problem for the people who didn't like this flash.
The songwriting manages to stay relatively fresh throughout, and there's clearly a display of musical prowess in the songs, but once again, there just needs to be more non-musical space for the listener's ears to rest, especially because of the quality of the voice. I think there was probably way too much air time dedicated to singing about spider powers. We get it, yeah.
The script was well written and there were some great gags in there. I loved the Tim Allen/Jason Statham bits. I think length might have prevented me from enjoying it a bit more. I believe it could be refined by a few minutes, and a refined, smooth script makes it a much more enjoyable package.
The animation was quite good. Obviously there is room for improvement on the drawing style: some of it was well drawn, with nice shadowy things, but there were points where there wasn't really a union between the foreground and the background, for example the first scene with the sleigh... the lines on the sleigh felt out of place with the effect-filled background. When the elf and parker were standing on the bed, there were some things with lines, and some things without. It's decent drawing but there's often not a visual blend throughout every scene. But a lot of things were very nicely drawn.
The lip sync was well done, the JPG cut-outs were well done. I was disappointed with the lack of a walk cycle. Every other limb of the body seems to be moving properly so please just animate the feet. Just a little nitpick there.
Overall I was quite entertained and impressed by the work that was put into the package. There's some things that can be done for you to become a better animator and I hope we can see more from you.
I just watched the entire series that is Jerry, HotDiggedyDemon, and I can honestly say it's one of the best series of flash animations on Newgrounds. There are so many things I can praise about this series and the kudos or praise it should get cannot be fit within a 4096 character review.
Every single character in this series is captivating, and the way that you have constructed the narrative which can make us feel for each character within the story is brilliant. Great animation tells a story, and the greatest animation can tell a story without us even realising we're watching a bunch of drawings that someone conceived. Upon watching this flash, I have been put under the illusion that these characters are very real.
Normally I watch out for little nitpicks that I could talk about with the flash. The narrative was so captivating and enthralling that I was no longer looking at an animation, but rather the story you wanted to convey. A story that is far from heartwearming and conveys a sense of social realism, despite the very evident cartoon elements. All of the elements of the flash work together to create a deeply entertaining package.
There is such an amazing interlock between each flash when viewed in order, and through this series you have created a separate universe, a very real universe and a very captivating universe. This ending was well timed. I do not think there is much more to be depicted in this universe.
Every second of this animation is so captivating. Watching this series in order, or even a single episode brings the viewer on an emotional journey, and this is something that flash animation rarely achieves. Because of this i say bravo, bravo, bravo.
Good good fun
I really enjoyed watching that. Good fun, and it never takes itself too seriously. There are some nice touches on some of the animation. It's great that the keyboard matches up with the notes of the song, unlike other artists who plonk keys down without any resemblance of time.
This was a very fun flash, but my only real complaint about this flash is the timing. It's supposed to be a dance-off, but unfortunately, a lot of time is spent on lip-syncing or just posing, and this fills up way too much time. There are just a few too many places where the characters remain static. Where the characters pulled out the ol' disco/breakin' moves that was really sweet. If this flash gave an arsenal of all of the classic (or groan-inducing) dance moves then it would be that much heaps better.
However, I do understand this was made for a deadline, but I think maybe there was a bit too little happening in certain parts. It however, was completely fun for the entire flash, and it certainly grabs your attention, and this is what's so good about this flash.
Sweet Little Animation
Well, it was a very well animated piece. The animation was usually smooth and fluid, and I especially like the inclusion of Snoopy there. I loved the 3D rendering (or what looked like it) in that long shot, and the backgrounds are amaaazing. I commend your hardwork.
I'm a nitpicker, and there's one or two things about the piece. There's a very wacky, cartoony like feel to the piece but I didn't feel the song quite captured the feel of the animation. Some kind of energetic, dramatic romantic orchestral work could have worked better here, and to be a perfect or superduperawesome cartoon there could've been more interplay between the music (i.e. if there was an orchestral background work, timpani bangs are illustrated by a whack in the cartoon) and the animation, because although it's not a bad song, it never feels a hundred percent fitting to the wackiness of the animation.
I didn't see a wide range of emotions being expressed on the characters' faces, or perhaps they weren't exaggerated enough. This is a very exaggerated, fantasy-like setting so really emphasising the emotions would help. The people in the helicopter would've expressed their annoyance, annoyance in the clip wasn't especially there. Another nitpicky thing is that the throwing animation there looked very robotic.
It is very pleasing to the eye to watch animation of this quality, but there feels like there is something missing from this piece. But you're a great animator so keep on pumping out these great works!
Your drawing style is pretty good and it's very good for a first effort. Just a couple of things. If you stream audio (although it decreases the quality slightly), the filesize will go down a lot. This could've been 700 KB tops I reckon.
Some of the audio wasn't too clear. I had to watch it a couple of times to figure out the 'I lo-ved you Newgrounds' bit... but I mean it's a test (essentially right?!), subtitles maybe or extra clarity if you go to do an extra project?
I liked the extending arm bit with the arms with the 'nooooo'. Basically, I liked the visuals, but I didn't give it more than 5 was the content itself. The audio wasn't a bit clear, there wasn't much of a narrative (obviously) and the over 9000 thing was cliched. The blam joke was good though. It certainly won't get blammed and it's better than about 80-95 percent of the firsties you see on the site.
My suggestion: you've got a decent groundwork. Think of some idea, some animation you can conceptualize, get it down on paper, animate away and then entertain! Let's see some more from you. wheee
It was set on stream, but I changed the compression to raw cause it sounded like crap if it wasn't D: I'll have to work on that.
Thanks for the suggestions and hopefully I can work up an awesome flash to entertain better :)
Overall it wasn't bad... firstly I'd like to congratulate you on producing a six minute flash... getting something out of that length is pretty hard, and the time and effort put in is a great virtue, so well done.
The animation was overall good: the drawings are quite good, but I feel like maybe there were too many tweens and a couple of bits of animation that could be improved. When master chief turns his head in the snow at that one bit, his head turns, but nothing else. The throwing animation (of the shoe, i think?!) didn't seem a bit natural and those little things can be tweaked.
I'm no expert, mainly because I'm a lazy animator, but maybe bits of frame by frame or at least a couple of in-between keyframes to guide direction will help the fluidity of the animation. I'm disappointed that Mario didn't have a lip sync and although the moustache thing is okay, I think lip sync or mouth movement would enhance the animation a bit. More careful bits of smooth animation, I reckon.
The main area of the flash that could be improved is probably the story and the gags themselves. There were amusing ideas in there: the violent Master Chief placing Peach in hospital, the RPG-style battle, but there didn't seem to be much flow to the direction of the narrative, or at least in terms of delivering the goods (the gags). Maybe some of the references are too obscure and seem a tiny bit out of place, the grues and memoirs of a geisha are subtle but don't seem quite right in their delivery.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the flash didn't have a script from the start for the whole six minutes. If there wasn't, then make sure it's scripted out. If you did have a script, (I'm starting to do this) if you're going for a humorous flash of such a long length, rewrite, rewrite, recheck and rewrite again. Make sure you can visualise all of the gags in your head and make sure they come at a fast rate. Some parts of the script dragged on in areas, maybe because of the script itself, maybe because of the delivery/execution. Perhaps some of the dialogue could have been delivered quicker or in a snappier way.
The visual gag with the button was too quick, whilst the RPG gag seemed to be out of place. The bit about Santa didn't really seem to get resolved, or the narrative at the end didn't seem clear enough for me to understand. I think the big problem is that there's a lot of dialogue that could be made snappier, and it just feels like it drags a bit.
The dialogue itself could have more energy into it. Mario's voice is one of those ones that just has to be right. It's not a horrible voice for Mario, but it just doesn't seem to quite fit, and Mario's voice is very distinguishable.
I think the narrative is just a bit too disjointed and jumps around to unrelated things a bit too much to let the viewer become comfortable with watching this. There's just something lacking in the content, technically it's quite good.
Just keep on striving to get better, improve and improve and you'll be on yer way.
Yeah, i understand everything you are saying.
This is a remake of a flash i made with my friend several years ago, so its destined not to be great in story terms.
And i know some of the animation is awful :/
But I like it, I made it for me so i can have a peice of flash on the internet that everytime i watch i don't hate.
Also in terms of the audio Yeah i know, the thing is my dad sold the audio recording equipment we owned and there really wasnt time to re-record in any other way.
I would have got other voice actors but they often charge - or completely ignored my requests!
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